When My Plans Don’t Happen

One… two… three… almost three weeks have passed since I got the confirmation from a publishing company that I’m hired on my desired position. I’ve not yet started working in the company till I settle all the requirements. I should be glad to know that they gave me no definite date to fulfill all the requirements but sad to say, it doesn’t look to be good news to me. I thought that it would only take a week just to complete it but it isn’t. I kept on waiting for my medical result so I may proceed on the next step - claiming an occupational permit. I waited for more than a week now. It seems that I’ve been waiting for nothing at all. I know that everything must be done properly; however, it looks like I’ve spent too much time on working with the pre-employment requirements. My previous company’s employment process didn’t take too long. In fact, I immediately started my work one day after I was hired. I just eventually submitted the requirements while working in the company.  I couldn’t think the reason why this is happening to me. I even declined other job opportunities/interviews because I have decided that I’ll be working in this publishing house. I have actually seen myself staying in this company for not less than 2 years. I have also thought that I’ll start working there before my birthday comes. My date of birth has passed and nothing happened. I’m still here in our house, doing household chores, watching movies, internet surfing, and reading books. Nothing is unusual. Nothing is new on my schedule. Nothing is different from my routine.

There are clouded days that I ask myself with questions like ‘Why everything doesn’t work the way I planned it to be?’ ‘Why does my plan keep on failing?’ ‘Why do I need to wait several weeks before I start working?’ Although my family is not forcing me to start working and earn salary, I still can’t help myself from feeling so anxious. I’m so worried that I might not save enough money for our monthly payment in our new house. I’m so concerned that I might not contribute money for the next operation of my mom. I’m so afraid that I might be spending several years to make my dream position/job happened. I have so many things to be uneasy about, things that are circling with my family, career and money. Nobody plead to me just to feel that way. It’s just that everything comes naturally on my mind. I may be the youngest child in our family but my older siblings have no work at the present time. It is only my father who takes full responsibility on providing my family needs. I want to help him big time. I want to be of help with my family and make use of my 4-year study of journalism.  It may look so simple but that’s what I’ve cared about most.

These past few days that my mind is corrupted with disturbed questions of injustice, I let my heart and body calm so I would no longer think why my plans don’t happen. How? I tried to rediscover my existence and its purpose. Then, I realized that above anything else, there’s one important thing that I must prioritize in my life, not just my family, my career nor even money. I must first think of how to make my Creator happy with my everyday activity. He’s probably watching me right now - mad and irrational with all the bad happenings that delay my plans. Come to think of it, I have believed that all my plans are rightly laid and written. I have also thought that everything must happen according to my own time. I have forgotten the following substantial things about my life.

1. I am a creation of God and I must think, feel and act as His, therefore, thinking, feeling and acting differently from His will like impatience and mistrust is prohibited and unjust.

2. I am a person, capable of doing good and evil. Should I wish to follow the path of my Creator, I, in any way, must believe and trust Him no matter what happens, despite all the evilness around me and negative things that may happen to me.

To explain these realizations in simple words, I begin to understand the reason why my plans don’t happen the way I’ve drawn it to be. Good or bad it may be, my Creator must have His reasons and I willingly trust and believe in Him. My plans probably don’t work out today, but eventually it will happen when the perfect time comes. Perhaps, God is preparing me for the next stage of my life. He might be preparing me to acquire skill/behavior, conducive to my career and everyday work. He might be leading me to the suitable job that I must work on. He might also be giving me enough time to take a rest and spend my precious time with my loved ones, friends and acquaintances. Whatever His reasons are and for whatever purposes it may serve, all I understand is that everything will happen according to God’s time and not mine. My dreams and wishes might happen after one… two… three days, weeks, months, years, or could be more than that. Some of it may not happen just the way I wanted it to be but for sure, God will perfectly lead me to the realization of His plans in the right place and at the right time.  This is actually what makes God’s plans better than mine – it always happens.

P.S.  

Thank you Lord for being the very light in my darkest hours and great inspiration in my glorious days! :D

My Hand Speaks Again

Writing is the simplest yet most productive way of expressing oneself aside from speaking.  I have noticed that more oftentimes, I spend my life merely of speaking what’s in my mind rather than putting everything into notes. I do it not because I feel so exhausted to grab a pen and make letters. I rarely write because I feel that there’s no much need to do it. My family loves to watch movies, take a stroll, and chat all day long. In the middle of our everyday routine, there’s no time for us to seat in our comfy couch and write what we think, feel and love to do.

I then remember the time when I was in college. My college professor required us to write everyday in our journal. She bought it for us so we can let our mind flows with creativity and improves our writing styles. I actually didn’t pay too much attention on my journal. I just wrote what I feel and gave all my writings a fancy title. I didn’t believe on my writing ability as a good one but I partly believe on what this everyday activity might help me in the future. I couldn’t forget how tardy I was to write everyday on my journal but now, I surely miss it. I’m longing on those days that I found myself tired yet excited to write something new as each day passed by. I stopped writing in my journal soon as my college professor was no longer part of my school. Nobody asked me to do it. I just found myself tired of journal-writing anymore. I suddenly lost the drive to write again on it. Most probably, one of my reasons is I see myself with no great writing ability. I’m not even proud of my vocabulary skills so I keep on wondering how I can make myself a good writer. I’m ashamed that I graduated AB Journalism with flying colors and ended up the way I am right now – without confidence and pessimistic.

I have asked myself for improvements and have done nothing at all to make it happen.  There are also enchanting times that I want to fast-forward my success and start my life on that moment only. But then, as I kept on pondering everything, I couldn’t make myself great if I haven’t done something so valuable to my future career. It is enough that I’ve already dragged myself too far from reality and grasp too much on illusions and possibilities. I should go beyond my so-called world of fantasies and let my hand speaks for me. For several instances that I used my mouth to express my thoughts and feelings, I think it’s about time to use my hand once again in a more significant thing. Now is definitely the perfect time that I should write again, the important day that I must continue writing on my journal. Writing is definitely more encouraging and inspiring to do for someone who is wishful thinker like me. Words just don’t die easily and it will never wilt as long as someone remembers it and relates with its hidden message.  I believe that we can safeguard words through writing.

For almost 4 years since I left my journal behind, I blame it to my slothfulness and lack of will to make my dream realized. And for almost a year that I didn’t post a blog, I really give this credit to my previous work which is not that much related to my career. As the day that I’ll start working on the journalism field comes, I see myself more ambitious and inspired. Both my mind and heart shiver for one common reason – my hand will speak again. If you may observe, people shiver when they feel threatened, frightened, hungry, cold or nervous. But this time, I’m shivering out of excitement to go back to my first love. Had you taken the path I did, you would also feel the same. You may realize that writing is one of the most productive ways of expressing oneself and there’s always right time for you to write anywhere, anytime, anyhow.

Never Let Yourself Down!

Looking back to the things you want to fulfill, you check your planner and find the consecutive unmarked boxes of your goals in life. Your dreams are still miles away from you. Everybody thinks it’s just the way a life must be. Though it looks so true, it isn’t the right time for you to hold back. You write your goals because you once believed in yourself that you would attain it someday. You declare your strength because you once dreamed that nothing would take you down.

Come to think of this… even if all your friends will drag their backs at you, even if all your neighbors will gossip negatively about you, even if there will be no family member to support you, and even if everybody else won’t believe your capabilities as a person, don’t mind them, just be strong no matter what happens! You should no longer hinge to the people who might bring your downfall, heartaches and mischance. You’re not breathing for their prejudices. You’re not working hard to be maltreated. You’re not studying and working for all these years to only belittle. You’re someone who could turn the world 360 degrees. You may not see it by yourself as of this time, but nobody has the right to judge whom you will be 5 or 10 years after. You’re the master of your body. You are definitely capable to change everything if you will only be voracious to achieve it. There’s always perfect time for everything. All you have to do is believe on it!

You’re probably crying today because your life seems so obsolete and miserable but don’t worry because everything just happens the way God has drawn it to be. Everything will be accomplished step-by-step so don’t be too excited to the picture of your future. All the events in your life are incomparably unpredictable. As possible, cherish everything that you have right now. You may not appreciate every simple thing around you but sooner or later, you will wake up early in the morning just to find out that you’re longing so much on them. As possible, if things go right the way you have hoped it to be and you’re still happy about it, just get the most out of it and keep it as a treasure.

However, there are possibilities that a moment of happiness could be a month-long loneliness. Challenges are made to twist your boring life. You shouldn’t ask God why He has created such heart-wrenching thing like that. Because of all the hardships you’re going through, a certain sound future lies ahead. No one lives in this world without experiencing trouble and pain. That’s how life looks so complicated. You may wonder how you could surpass it triumphantly and you may degrade your own abilities as time passes by but you should never ever let those insecurities swallow your personality. The more you let those negative vibes rule over your body, the harder it will be for you to get rid of those things.

It is a fact that the world is too large for you to be spotted. There is a great number of people who falls in line of opportunities and stardom. All of them aspired to be a great person someday. No one wants to be called as nobody. Are you going to sit on your couch and regret that you haven’t done anything for your dreams? Are you going to be just like some individuals who always feel so pitiful on the outcome of their lives?

You have a long way to go. If you think there was none, no it isn’t. It’s just that you still haven’t made the initial step to turn your dreams into reality. You haven’t tried anything yet. Most probably, you’re quite afraid to do such mistakes. Better not to be depressed about it, mistake is the most beautiful means to become a worthwhile person. Everyone has experienced how to be embarrassed with those misdeeds. Most of them have given up while the rest has made way to reach the pinnacle of their very dream.

Along the road to success, remember not to imitate someone else’s work for your benefits. You’re a very unique individual who has the potential of unlimited greatness and excellence. Also, don’t erase the words “never give up” in your vocabulary. Even if everybody has surrendered, you are not required to do so. Even if the rest has failed, you shouldn’t be one of them. You and they are different, bear that in mind. You may not have reached the highest level yet, but still there’s plenty of time for you to get close to what some people have attained. Show what you can and continue to carry your secret weapon, “unfailing fighting spirit!”

As a free thinker, you could always reminisce the past. You can also dream as high as the summit of Mt. Everest. Like a recorded video, you could always picture out all the shameful and lousy things you have committed but you also have a choice to switch all those bad memories to only good ones. And to make yourself more comfortable, you’re not bound to watch all those videotapes again and again just to make yourself bitter. Watch it only to inspire yourself and make your heart peaceful after such hours of feeling broken.

Let us make it simple. No person could push you to continue your good beginnings. If you have already started with a good performance, just keep it better until it becomes the best. Candid hopes and promises are once shouted when you were on the peak of your determination. How come that you let that will die away in just a matter of second? You’re terribly incredible in pushing your dreams far from your grasps. What if others will steal everything from you over a night? Nobody could be blamed aside from yourself. Many people have wanted to take all great chances and opportunities, yet you’re here thinking how to get away from it because you feel that you don’t deserve anything at all. Are you a fool? You might down yourself a couple of times, but doing it casually is a big stupidity!

Never let yourself down again, okay? Time will come that you might feel hopeless once more. If that happens, don’t forget to visit this blog and read this again. Take care and wish you luck!

My First Step to the World of Bloggers!

Blog account is definitely like an online journal, open to interested and willful people who are so curious about a person’s opinions, point of view, realizations, and such. As long as there are readers and writers, bloggers will continuously exist. Oftentimes, a creative writer likes reading books and a wide reader likes writing articles. That’s how writers and readers meet at the end of the line and so it is with the bloggers.

I can’t believe that creating a blog at a blog site is easy. I never had had enough time before to create one. Now, perhaps, is the perfect day to do it. I have dreamed of having an official account for blogs. I just realized to have one after my job interview at MicroSourcing Inc. The interviewer asked for my blog account. What a shame that I don’t have any! I’m an AB in Journalism graduate yet I can’t prove that I really am. Though I know that having own blogs isn’t really the basis of a true writer, I’m still quite ashamed to myself that since the day I entered college life, I haven’t tried and decided creating a blog account.

Knock! Knock! Knock! Four years have passed and I just realize today that having a blog account is important for someone who has so much passion and gusto in writing. Thanks to an awesome experience I had at my job application. After I had passed the preliminary examination and interview, I was asked by Ms. Jackie (HR person-in-charge) to make a write-up about snorkeling and scuba diving activities and save it in .html format. I felt so awful and frightful that I failed to save my file as .html. OMG! I know how to use MS Office, how come that I can’t save it in that format? I really kept trying to save it like that but couldn’t see any “save as file type: web page.” That time, I felt so embarrassed as if I was shrinking slowly from where I stood. I even spent much longer time in doing the task than it should be. It’s a must that the task should be done after 2 hours, and if I’m not mistaken, I ‘finished’ it for about 2 hours and more or less 30 minutes. Unfortunately, this ‘finished’ that I’m talking about sounds silly and unconvincing. What do you think is the reason? Let me take your guess right, I passed my write-up without saving it as .html file. Because of that, I told myself, “You better get yourself prepared .html!” I was murmuring silently and blatantly those words as if .html is an undisputed enemy.  This is the story of my wild search in how to save or convert a .doc to .html file.

Having knowledge about .html files is necessary before creating blogs. Creating a blog account and filling it with blogs is my way of assessing my knowledge about .html files. Aside from that, I look at my today’s experience the very reason that I should make an initial step to enter the world of bloggers. With this official blog account, I will be no more ashamed to answer such queries like if I have blogs or know about .html file. At least, if someone would ask for my blogs, I wouldn’t hang them waiting for a response with a “None.” Hurray!

With everything that happened to me on this day, I clearly see several reasons reason why there are many professional and non-professional writers love blogging. Now, I have solid reasons why blogs exist and might even defend its importance to those anti-bloggers if there’s any. As to those matters, I’ll share it with you next time. Nevertheless, for now, let’s have a toast and celebrate my first step to the world of bloggers.