When My Plans Don’t Happen

One… two… three… almost three weeks have passed since I got the confirmation from a publishing company that I’m hired on my desired position. I’ve not yet started working in the company till I settle all the requirements. I should be glad to know that they gave me no definite date to fulfill all the requirements but sad to say, it doesn’t look to be good news to me. I thought that it would only take a week just to complete it but it isn’t. I kept on waiting for my medical result so I may proceed on the next step - claiming an occupational permit. I waited for more than a week now. It seems that I’ve been waiting for nothing at all. I know that everything must be done properly; however, it looks like I’ve spent too much time on working with the pre-employment requirements. My previous company’s employment process didn’t take too long. In fact, I immediately started my work one day after I was hired. I just eventually submitted the requirements while working in the company.  I couldn’t think the reason why this is happening to me. I even declined other job opportunities/interviews because I have decided that I’ll be working in this publishing house. I have actually seen myself staying in this company for not less than 2 years. I have also thought that I’ll start working there before my birthday comes. My date of birth has passed and nothing happened. I’m still here in our house, doing household chores, watching movies, internet surfing, and reading books. Nothing is unusual. Nothing is new on my schedule. Nothing is different from my routine.

There are clouded days that I ask myself with questions like ‘Why everything doesn’t work the way I planned it to be?’ ‘Why does my plan keep on failing?’ ‘Why do I need to wait several weeks before I start working?’ Although my family is not forcing me to start working and earn salary, I still can’t help myself from feeling so anxious. I’m so worried that I might not save enough money for our monthly payment in our new house. I’m so concerned that I might not contribute money for the next operation of my mom. I’m so afraid that I might be spending several years to make my dream position/job happened. I have so many things to be uneasy about, things that are circling with my family, career and money. Nobody plead to me just to feel that way. It’s just that everything comes naturally on my mind. I may be the youngest child in our family but my older siblings have no work at the present time. It is only my father who takes full responsibility on providing my family needs. I want to help him big time. I want to be of help with my family and make use of my 4-year study of journalism.  It may look so simple but that’s what I’ve cared about most.

These past few days that my mind is corrupted with disturbed questions of injustice, I let my heart and body calm so I would no longer think why my plans don’t happen. How? I tried to rediscover my existence and its purpose. Then, I realized that above anything else, there’s one important thing that I must prioritize in my life, not just my family, my career nor even money. I must first think of how to make my Creator happy with my everyday activity. He’s probably watching me right now - mad and irrational with all the bad happenings that delay my plans. Come to think of it, I have believed that all my plans are rightly laid and written. I have also thought that everything must happen according to my own time. I have forgotten the following substantial things about my life.

1. I am a creation of God and I must think, feel and act as His, therefore, thinking, feeling and acting differently from His will like impatience and mistrust is prohibited and unjust.

2. I am a person, capable of doing good and evil. Should I wish to follow the path of my Creator, I, in any way, must believe and trust Him no matter what happens, despite all the evilness around me and negative things that may happen to me.

To explain these realizations in simple words, I begin to understand the reason why my plans don’t happen the way I’ve drawn it to be. Good or bad it may be, my Creator must have His reasons and I willingly trust and believe in Him. My plans probably don’t work out today, but eventually it will happen when the perfect time comes. Perhaps, God is preparing me for the next stage of my life. He might be preparing me to acquire skill/behavior, conducive to my career and everyday work. He might be leading me to the suitable job that I must work on. He might also be giving me enough time to take a rest and spend my precious time with my loved ones, friends and acquaintances. Whatever His reasons are and for whatever purposes it may serve, all I understand is that everything will happen according to God’s time and not mine. My dreams and wishes might happen after one… two… three days, weeks, months, years, or could be more than that. Some of it may not happen just the way I wanted it to be but for sure, God will perfectly lead me to the realization of His plans in the right place and at the right time.  This is actually what makes God’s plans better than mine – it always happens.

P.S.  

Thank you Lord for being the very light in my darkest hours and great inspiration in my glorious days! :D